Stillborn: Still Loved

23 months ago I received the worst news of my life. My sweet precious baby boy whom I adored and loved so much for 23 weeks and 5 days, passed away, and I would become the parent of a stillborn. The next day my son, Jacob Austin, was born still.   He was born into a silent room, filled with the tears of his family members who were still anxiously awaiting his arrival.   He was born into a room full of love.   Over the course of the next three days, my family and I loved him, snuggled with him and then I was discharged from the hospital.   Without him.   My world felt as if it was ending.   A part of me had died when he did.   Happiness was a goal I thought I would never attain again. Frankly, I had no desire to be happy again. My world had ended. My son, who was expecting to be a big brother wasn’t going to be a big brother to a baby boy on earth, but one in Heaven.   I wasn’t the mother to two kids on earth, but one on Earth and one in Hea...

I haven't laid in bed unable to sleep for a good while and I'm grateful for that. A couple of nights ago I randomly woke up about 1:15 and wasn't able to go back to sleep. My pregnancy with Jake and my hospital stay was on my mind. I was thinking about the fact that I wanted professional maternity pictures made, but never had them made... I wasn't expecting to deliver Jake 4 months early. Instead, the maternity pictures I have are ones that I took of myself with my phone.  The first one is from the first time I visited the ER, my mother in law was with Payton in the waiting room and asked me to take one because he could not come see me.  After that I was sent home on complete bed rest... only to come back 2 days later after my water broke.  I shot some while bored in my hospital room one day not long before I was flown to Houston. These pictures depict a mommy who knows she may not see her baby boy moving in her tummy for very much longer. I wanted a picture of ...