Stillborn: Still Loved

August has come and gone... one more month has passed here on earth.  I have somehow, in ways unbeknownst to me, managed to survive now, for SEVEN whole months without my baby boy.  I have gone 7 months without seeing his precious face, without hearing his cries.  I have gone seven months without kissing his toes and watching them as they grow.  In the Month of September, I have now had reason to recognize that many many families all over the world are missing their babies on Stillborn Remembrance Day.  As September hurries by, we are closer and closer coming to the date of The annual Walk to Remember held by the support group I belong to.  Each family in and around DFW, gather their family members and walk to remember their baby(ies).  Each family is give a balloon to release in honor of their baby and a Christmas ornament to hang on their tree.  I look forward to this day.  Also as September progresses, I will once again become...

Uses for Magnesium Sulfate for pregnant women: Pre-eclampsia Stops preterm labor and contractions Neuroprotection for unborn babies      Three days into my five day stay at the Houston hospital , a perinatologist, from a team of six,that was taking care of myself and Jake decided that putting me on Magnesium would be in his best interest.  I was told that this would protect him from damage to his neuro-system.    I had previous experience with this particular perinatologist, and was already not her biggest fan.  I accepted her judgment however, and prepared for the hours of feeling bad, this medicine was going to bring upon me.    I phoned my mother, four hours away, and she began the drive to Houston to be with me.    I was able to get up for the first time in three weeks to take a shower, then I was told I must stay in bed and not get up.  I would get to feeling really hot and just altogether...

These are pictures of the sunset from the first day of school. It was so beautiful.  I was privileged to get to see it with my own eyes.  :) Free photo collage generated with Smilebox

  Today in Texas, most parents were hurriedly rushing about the house, fighting back the tears as their children got ready for the first day of school.  Some were taking their babies to Preschool or Kindergarten and some were watching their senior walk out the door to drive themselves to the first day of their last year in school.   I was up bright and early this morning getting my oldest son Payton ready for his second week of school, as he started last Monday.  I read of many mommies who were getting their babies ready for school today and fighting back many tears.  I spent the morning in prayer for each of them.  Praying each had the strength they needed to make it through the morning and the portion of the afternoon before they pick up their precious gifts from the Lord from their first day of school. It wasn't until I was driving back home from Payton's school, that I realized , we baby loss mommies will never experience those tender m...

As of today folks Christmas is officially 120 days away.  That's not long!  Christmas is usually one of my most favorite times of year.   I can celebrate the birth of my savior AND   get to spend time with my family.  I have the pleasure of seeing true joy and wonder in my son's eyes. : ) What more could I want? This year, I am approaching Christmas season with hesitation and fear. My second son, my baby boy who was supposed to be six months old at Christmas this year... won't be here.  He'll be having the best Christmas in Heaven. This makes me hesitant and not sure I even want to have Christmas without him... although all of my favorite people will be there... my oldest son will still be happy... just my sweet angel won't and it makes me horribly sad.   I remember the joy I had in my heart in 2011.  I was 4 months pregnant with Jacob during Christmas.. as my husband and I hurriedly shopped for things for my...

  Today, Monday the 13th day of August 2012, Jacob's headstone was delivered to our small church home where my sweet baby rests.  On Friday,Jacob's six month birthday, I contacted the monument company to confirm exact date of completion of Jacob's headstone.  The owner explained that it was completed, and that it would be delivered Monday. We agreed to meet at the cemetery at 9:30am.    (Afterwards, I wonder if they didn't deliver it Friday because they realized it was an anniversary and didn't want to make it difficult on me) The gentleman explained to me how everyone that walked by loved his headstone and said " awww, look at the horse".  He also told me that it was absolutely beautiful and he thought I would be pleased.  I left home early this morning that way I could be at the cemetery when the truck arrived.  Payton and I got there about 9am and moved his bees and pinwheel that way the men would have room to work....

Jacob was born still 6 months ago today.  About 5 months ago is when I posted the first picture of Jacob to my Facebook account, after it had been retouched some by Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep.  I was so very proud of my precious son.  The sweet baby boy whom I love so very much.  I wanted all of my closest friends and family to see him.  I just knew that everyone would adore him like I did. I was wrong. I began to notice that friends and former co-workers who were once my friend on Facebook were gone.  I didn't realize the reason at the time. Not long later, I was visiting the District Clerk's office where I worked for four years,up until last Fall.  We had a really good visit I thought.  After I left, a lady whom I've gotten to know pretty well called me on my cell phone to let me know that two of the ladies who had once been friends on my Facebook were gossiping about me.. and one was telling the other " She put pictures of her dea...