Expectations

 

       Everyone expects the best most of the time... no one thinks that any bad will ever come to them.  It is with a sad heart that I say I am one of those people who is used to watching other people's misfortune and praising the Lord it wasn't me. I could pray for that person or family and volunteer to do whatever they may have needed.  It wasn't until I began having a problematic abusive marriage and was hospitalized after my water broke early with Jake that I realized that sometimes expectations aren't met. 

       Great expectations seem like the devil to someone who is in pain.  Even while I was hospitalized I tried to keep my good expectations, that somehow my situation would turn around... that my sweet Jake would be ok, and I would have a happy healthy baby boy.  I expected the Lord to do as I wanted him to, even though I prayed for his will to be done.  I expected my husband to turn into a better man than he was and care for his son and wife.  I don't think my expectations were too much.  I don't think it was more than the Lord was willing to do.  I don't feel that I was unworthy of a sweet baby boy and husband who loved me.  I believe that even though the Lord knew I'd be in pain, he knew what he had planned for my life.  He knew that after the loss of my son I would draw even closer to him. 

        I am very much an optimist in all situations.  I will always look for the good in situations before I look for the bad.  I however will not say that after my expectations for the perfect life and family have not been met just yet... that it is not harder to find good in all situations.  It is very much harder to now not look at what used to be wonderful and wonder if something bad may happen.  I guess that this is in self-defense.. if you look for even the slightest possiblity of a problem... of something to go wrong, you will already have a plan in place for when and if it does go wrong. 

     I know the Lord has a plan in place for when things go wrong or don't meet my expectations.  I just have to keep my faith in the Lord and know that eventually all will be right, even when they feel so incredibly wrong.





Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Infant and Child headstone ideas

Image
Many times a week I see parents searching the internet for infant and child headstone ideas, as well as stillborn baby epitaphs, and epitaphs for infants.  I hope I can be of some help to all of these parents.  I have been in your shoes, "Googling" all of these exact terms, trying to find the perfect stone and wording for my son's very own headstone.  I know all of these decisions are hard and you wish anyone but you had to make them, but I promise you, you will get through it. << Big hugs to you>> Most of the ideas for headstones below are from the monument company here in Texas that I ordered my son's headstone from.  I'm sure other monument companies across the world could replicate these if you just ask. The first one I came across is Winnie the Pooh.  It is fairly common here in Texas and often used for older children.   Most babies and children are comforted by a teddy bear, why not give them an everlasting teddy with a headstone like
Read more

To my Sweet Baby boy

Image
  ╰ ☆ ╮   ღ  ღ  ღ  ღ  ღ  ღ  ღ  ღ  ╰ ☆ ╮ Dear my sweet Jacob,    You were supposed to be here in my arms tomorrow.  Today mommy and Mimi went shopping for groceries.  There were several pregnant ladies out and about.  They made me very sad to see.  I couldn't help but look at them and think that should be me.   I should still be pregnant.  I should be bringing you into the world soon.    You should be in my arms right about now, keeping me up at night.  I should be rocking you to sleep and getting to know each of  your cries, coos and smiles.   After we left the grocery store, I went to buy you balloons to send tomorrow on your due date.  I didn't see any that I wanted.        I have decided that I would rather skip the day completely.  I would love to stay in bed all day and not see anyone or talk to anyone... not do anything.  I don't want or need anymore reminders that you are not here with me on your due date.  As a matter of fact, if I had my way, I wou
Read more

Flowers for his funeral

Image
      On the Tuesday before Valentine's Day, I was out attempting to order flowers.  Not for any happy occasion though.  I was searching for the perfect flowers for my Jake's funeral. I first went to the florist here in my hometown.  The ladies tried to be nice and helpful.  I was just not liking what they were showing me.  The flowers they had to display were droopy and lacking color appeal.  I wanted his arrangements to include blue Hydrangeas and white Roses.  The ladies at this florist dashed all of my wants, telling me that hydrangeas wouldn't last... they would wilt too fast and they weren't willing to budge on what I wanted.  They brought me ugly yellow daisies that I didn't want and were trying to add white carnations as well... neither of which I asked for..  I was in tears, thinking this would be all I had to choose from.  Finally, we made the decision to leave and see what other florists in the area could offer.         At the second florist, the owner
Read more