What a 4th!

So, it's official... most of the holidays are over for a good little bit... well the big ones anyhow.  It's official Thanksgiving is November 22 and Christmas is shortly thereafter... that means we baby loss mommies have four months of a break from holidays... excluding birthday month anniversaries and things of that nature. 

As all of you know, yesterday was July 4th. 

When I woke up yesterday, my good friend Lynsey and her husband were on my mind, since this would be their first holiday without their son, so soon after losing him.

Yesterday also had been one month since Jake was supposed to have been born.  One whole long month since his due date had come and gone.

We celebrated in usual fashion by grilling steaks and hamburgers... visited with family.

Payton and I even played outside in the sprinkler for good measure.

To top off the evening Payton, my mother and I watched a huge fireworks display in a town nearby.

I loved seeing the grins on Payton's face as we watched... then out of nowhere a glimmer of sadness filled me.  I began thinking how Jake should be with me... how he was supposed to be watching them from earth here with his family, not in Heaven with his heavenly father.

I bet he had the better seats though.  ;)

Do you think the babies in Heaven get to take a break from their homework to watch fireworks?

I hope so.


These fireworks were so beautiful and
 made an awesome night!
Every smiley face that popped last night was upside down... except to the people in Heaven watching the brilliant display in Texas!!


Comments

  1. UnknownJuly 5, 2012 at 3:04 PM

    Love the smiley face to heaven! :) Jonathan would be a month and a half old, How I wish he was here. I just know Jake and Jonathan had a good time in Heaven :)

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    Replies
    1. JessicaJuly 5, 2012 at 3:20 PM

      I loved them too! I wish more than anything that we could both have our boys here with us. I'm sure Jake and Jonathan had a great day in Heaven together. :)

      Delete
  2. Jenn @Treasuring Lifes BlessingsJuly 5, 2012 at 4:03 PM

    I had tears last night as well during the fireworks. Yes I was holding my rainbow but I was really missing what should've been my almost 2 years look of awe watching the fireworks. Also, July 4th had been his due date (he was 9 days late). (((hugs))) Every.darn.holiday is still hard.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. JessicaJuly 5, 2012 at 4:21 PM

      (((Hugs)))) Jenn. I can't imagine being 2 years out yet. I have a feeling that the pain won't be any less for me or make these feelings any easier to deal with. I'm sorry you had a rough night too.
      I'm sure knowing his birthday is coming soon didn't help you much. I will keep you on my prayers throughout the next couple of weeks. ;)

      Delete
    2. Jenn @Treasuring Lifes BlessingsJuly 9, 2012 at 8:29 AM

      Thanks I appreciate that! <3

      Delete
    3. JessicaJuly 9, 2012 at 8:31 AM

      You are so very welcome.

      Delete
  3. LeslieJuly 5, 2012 at 6:35 PM

    I am new to your blog. I am so sorry for your loss. I too like the upside down smiley face! I truly believe that our little angels are watching over us.

    We lost our little boy at 18w, 3 weeks ago. I have been feeling pretty lonely lately and have been reading a lot online in the evenings after my son goes to bed. I often have no idea how to handle all of my grief so reading helps me to remember that what I am feeling is normal.

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    Replies
    1. JessicaJuly 5, 2012 at 7:03 PM

      Leslie I am so glad you found my page. I'm so very sorry to hear about the loss of your son. I'm sure Jacob was waiting in Heaven yo play with his new friend. It's so very easy to feel alone after losing your baby. I still feel that way sometimes and my son had been in Heaven for close to 5 months. I'm not so sure any person knows how to handle grief especially not the beginning. How old is your oldest son? Please feel to contact me here whenever you feel lonely or email me at Jessica.stillloved@yahoo.com.

      Also I have a parents of Stillborns page on Facebook. Please join us. :)

      Delete
    2. LeslieJuly 6, 2012 at 5:47 PM

      Thank you so much for your reply! As much I wish it were not so and I wish that none of us ever had to experience such loss, it is helpful to know my Ethan has friends in Heaven to play with. Thank you for reassuring me that what I am feeling is normal. It is so hard to know what to do with all of this grief I feel -- I try to let it out as I know I should but then I try to be strong at the same time. My oldest son is almost 21 months. His name is Aaron = ). Thank you for your email address as well as inviting me to your FB group. I looked at the page and should I "like" the page to join? I was not 100% sure. Thank you for your kind words!

      Delete
  4. JessicaJuly 8, 2012 at 6:43 PM

    Leslie, I am so sorry for not responding sooner, my son's birthday was this weekend and I was so busy. From all the wonderful mommies I have met on this journey, I am very sure Jacob and Ethan have great friends. You are so very welcome to my email. : ) To join Parents of Stillborns, all you have to do is like the page.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Hannah RoseJuly 9, 2012 at 6:27 AM

    I'm glad you had a nice July 4th! So many holidays without our sweet babies. Some are harder than others and then some you don't expect to be too hard catch you off guard. I couldn't help but think how my little princess would have been old enough to dance into the twilight with sparklers in her hands. I think about how I would have loved to dress her up in red, blue and white. Everything in my life would be so completely different now if she were here. Much love and hugs.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. JessicaJuly 9, 2012 at 7:20 AM

      Awww Hannah, I bet the Fourth did hurt a little then for you as well, thinking of your sweet Lily being big enough to dress up cute and dance around. :) That makes me cry. I'm sorry your day was rough. You're completely right, if she was here now... your life would be completely and happily different. Children change your life in unimaginable ways... I know you know that because of Lily and Luke. <3

      (((Big Big Hugs!)))

      Delete

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