Tuesday, June 3, 2014

Clothes he never wore

Two years and three months ago, my son was born still. I was forced to pack away all of the tiny outfits, bathrobes and shoes that I had so carefully washed and hung up with care, for my boy. The diapers in the box in the closet, were thrown into a Rubbermaid tub, and shoved to the back of the closet, along with the most of my heart.

 Yesterday, these tubs were pulled out from the back of the closet. As most of you know, I have given birth to my sweet rainbow princess, Avery Grace, since the death of Jacob in 2012. However, Jacob’s clothes weren’t needed for her.  No, this time, I attempted to give the items so tenderly laundered and packed with care, to my nephew who is scheduled to arrive in September.  Two years later, I wasn’t expecting this seemingly normal task would hurt very much.

Trouble is, it did. This seeminly normal item on my to-do list was a huge task.  I was face to face with all of the cute little onesies Jacob’s grandmother had bought him, and the sweet little romper his aunt had bought him, with matching shoes… the ones he never got to wear. The ones that I dreamed of seeing him wear. Oh how my heart ached, and the tears stung my eyes.  I missed Jacob in that moment, as I do very often. I still long for the son I didn’t get to hold for nearly long enough…

As sad as I temporarily was about giving away clothes I always wanted Jacob to wear; I look forward to meeting my new nephew in three months. His aunt Jessica will adore him and love him oodles, this I know.