Friday, December 21, 2012

Christmas Tree Oh Christmas Tree

A couple of days ago my mother and I bought Jake his first little Christmas tree.  Yesterday, we went shopping at Hobby Lobby for the ornaments that would accompany the sweet baby's first Christmas ornament I purchased a couple of months ago. I picked out a snowflake garland, little dinosaurs, ,pink, green,orange and blue ornaments as well as some silver ones... and a little snowman tree topper. To finish off his tree I picked out a tiny tree skirt for the bottom.  I have so much blogging to catch up on in the next couple of weeks... I got so busy trying to graduate college... I haven't had to time to visit with all of my bloggy mom friends. 
Jake's First Tree
Christmas 2012
The Lord is near to all who call upon him
Psalm 145:18
My support group gave me the beautiful angel ornament
 above at our Walk to Remember this year.
Jake's Snowman tree topper
I love Jake's Baby's 1st Christmas onesie ornament
A close up of the ornaments on Jake's tree

Tuesday, November 6, 2012


Pretty Autumn Leaves

It's approaching Thanksgiving, and many people whom I am friends with on Facebook are posting things they are thankful for everyday as statuses.  This gave me the idea to post here, what moments I am thankful for to have had with Jacob, or things I'm thankful for now, while grieving.
Today I am thankful for the Five Months 3 Weeks and 5 Days I held Jake close to my heart and for the two sacred times I held him in my arms outside my body.
I am thankful for the wonderful Nursing staff and doctors who worked tirelessly to keep Jake and I comfortable in the 21 days  I was hospitalized.
I am incredibly thankful for my supportive family who has shown me continuous love since Jake passed away.
I am thankful for the new gentleman the Lord has placed in my life who is not afraid to acknowledge Jake's life and death and his significance in my life.  He willingly listens when I am sad, and looks at pictures of my sweet baby with me, and has even went to the cemetery with me.  I don't think he realizes how special these gestures are. <3
I am thankful for the many friends who talk openly about Jake with me, whether you are blogging mommy friends, or whether I know you in person. 
I am incredibly thankful for the photographs of Jake that I have, along with his footprints and other small memorabilia.

I am thankful for the lessons I've learned since losing Jake.  I have learned that life is more precious than one would think.  Although I knew you're not promised a tomorrow, I never imagined myself as someone who would experience the death of a child.  . . I learned a new type of compassion for others.
I am thankful for the few photos of Jake and the other memorabilia I have.  Life would be awfully lonely, having nothing but a headstone to visit by a tiny grave site.  I love still being able to see Jake through pictures, and feel the imprints of his tiny footsies.
I am thankful for music that eases my mind and soul.
 I am thankful for time by myself at night to sit and reflect on the past 9 months.

I am especially thankful for the Lord's promise of eternal life that came with my salvation.  I know one day I will see my sweet, precious , second - born son in Heaven again one day!
These are just a few of the many things I am thankful for, even amongst tragedy.

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Catch up on Capture your Grief

Hi everyone! Hope you have had a great early part of your week!  I'm posting several days of capture your grief in one blog.  There are several missing, because I just don't have anything that applies to those days... such as a shrine or altar... although I love Jake.. I don't have an altar for him.  Also, I really haven't gotten into any projects yet, nor have I become involved with any charity organizations.
Much love to you all!

Sunday, October 14, 2012

Days 12-14

I think I mixed up the day numbers... but needless to say here are pictures of my supportive family, scents and community

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Walking to Remember

Fall Leaves
October 10th - Jake has now been in Heaven 8 whole months.
This past week has been hard for me.
Saturday the 6th, my family and I attended our first Walk to Remember. 
The emotion was overwhelming...

My mother and I spent most of the day Thursday and Friday attempting to make shirts to wear to the event.  We wanted to order professional shirts, but  procrastinated a little too long. :)  Friday while at Hobby Lobby shopping for supplies, I thought I would look at Christmas decorations.  That was a bad idea, I found the sweetest Baby's First Christmas stocking holder.  It was beautifully silver plated, and had the words written in baby blue.  Needless to say, I was a ball of tears in the  middle of the aisle.  I'm not ready for holidays without my baby, and seeing that on the weekend I was supposed to be honoring him, was just hard.  I managed to pull through and in the end just had my wonderfully talented sister capture my visions.  I had never seen them before, but Crayola makes Fabric Crayons, that you can use on paper and iron on to a tee-shirt.  This worked well in a hurry. :)
My niece Adleigh Loves and Remembers
You Jake
Jake's papa's shirt
Papa's shirt read I can only imagine...
Papa, Jake and Jesus

Jake's Aunt Jackie's Shirt

Payton drew a picture of Batman on his shirt, with Jake beside him.. I just don't have it on my computer right now.  I will upload it, it is absolutely precious! <3 Love my big boy, he's a great big brother.

We honored 320 babies who were lost too soon.
There were 1280 hurting family members in attendance.
The weather was about 80 degrees on Friday, Saturday at 12:30 when my family and I arrived at the church the temperature was 55 degrees.  We were freezing,as the whole ceremony was outside!
Of course I brought Jake's lamb with me to the ceremony.
 I love having it to snuggle with in hard times.
The cold weather took me back mentally to sitting by Jacob's graveside service in February.  It was so very difficult. 
We began the walk being led by a troop of firefigthers from the Dallas area who play bagpipes.  The one in white is the daddy of precious baby girl named Hadley who is in Heaven with our babies.
MEND gave each family of an angel an angel ornament, as their babies' name was called we hung them in a tree together.  Payton just had to hang ours up himself. 
Before our balloon release, Nicole Sponberg, founder of Selah, and sister in law to author Angie Smith, spoke about the loss of her son to SIDS at 3 months old.  She also sang several beautiful songs.  I was so incredibly blessed by this one named 'Home'.  
My mother's note to Jakey <3
Jake's big brother's note to him in Heaven
Papa's note to Jake
Mommy's note to Jake

This is probably not even a third of the balloons released Saturday, as they were let go at all different times.  My mind was blown by the amount of people affected by baby loss when it's represented in balloons.

Capture your Grief - Days 8-10

Life has gotten in the way lately of my blogging. 
Day 8: Jewelry
I really don't have any specific jewelry for Jacob yet.
 These are some of the necklaces I would like:
Pinned Image
Pinned Image
I want a little charm like this too:
Baby Angel Charm
 So, with that being said, here is my photo for Day 9.
It is a special place on my dresser with pictures of both of my precious sons and the elephant that decorated an arrangement at Jake's funeral.

Day 10: A Symbol
I Love seeing Jake's name places.. here are a few...

Saturday, October 6, 2012

Days 4 & 6 Capture your Grief

I have been pretty busy the last couple of days, trying to get ready for today's Walk to Remember, that I didn't have time to post Day 4's picture.  I was at a loss for what type of Memorial picture to post.. so that will have to be later. :)
Jake's lambie  and his cap and blanket

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

After Loss Portrait

Momma and Jakey, right after he was born.
I was trying my best to smile through the tears and sorrow. <3
I love that precious boy!

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Day 2 - Self Portrait before Loss

Today my photo is a picture of my tummy that I took with my phone and saved to one of my pregnancy apps on my phone.  It's so funny to me looking at this photo today, since I haven't seen it in about a year.  I turned on an old phone today, and this was in my gallery... such a perfect day to find a picture of my baby boy happy in my tummy. <3  At the time I took this picture I thought my tummy was so big.  I couldn't have been more than 12-13 weeks pregnant.  I wish he could've stayed here more than the 10 or less weeks he did after this picture was taken... and that he was here in my arms today. My sweet baby would be four months old. 

Monday, October 1, 2012

Capture Your Grief

Today is October 1st, the first day of Carly Marie's Capture your Grief Photo Challenge.
I missed the actual sunrise this morning, because I was getting my eldest son out of bed and ready for school.  However, our drive and the sky was beautiful this morning.
I am anxious to see all of my mommy friend's photos as well.  I know in a year from now our grief will look totally different.
Love you all, praying for you. 
 Happy Monday Morning!