Stillborn: Still Loved

Baby Boy, A year has come and gone since I first learned that a band of angels had come and taken you home on that sweet chariot.  My heart has been broken for a whole year.  All of the hopes and dreams I had for you are long gone and in their place lies what could've beens and what should've beens.  Although you don't live here with me, people everywhere are learning from you, and what you've taught me.  Because of you 65 other hurting angel mommies have somewhere to turn on sad days. Today is your first birthday.  Yesterday I picked up your birthday cake. It's vanilla, with vanilla buttercream frosting.  I'm not sure why I ordered it so plain... when there was so many flavors to choose from.  Your sweet little cake has blue and green fondant polka dots around the edge, and a big blue elephant on top of the cake, beside a little circle that says 'ONE'. I really love it. Oh, how I wish you could be here to see it, and have your first bi...

Today, I finally bit the bullet, so to speak and ordered Jacob's first Birthday cake.  I was fine walking into the bakery, fine standing there at the front counter asking who I needed to talk to about placing the order.    Then, Fine ended.   Then, I had to tell the sweet lady at the counter that I wanted one 8" round cake, with white fondant and that it needed baby blue and green polka dots around the edge, adorned with a fondant elephant on top, and I requested that the word "ONE" be spelled out in fondant around the edge as well.   Maybe his cake will look like this one...obviously with different colors or hopefully it'll have more polka dots like this one..   I got teary eyed, my voice was wavering... I'm sure the cashier really wondered why I was crying ordering my son's birthday cake.  I didn't offer an explanation.  I didn't want to have to break down at the bakery counter, telling the lady that my sweet baby, wh...