A year has come and gone since I first learned that a band of angels had come and taken you home on that sweet chariot. My heart has been broken for a whole year. All of the hopes and dreams I had for you are long gone and in their place lies what could've beens and what should've beens. Although you don't live here with me, people everywhere are learning from you, and what you've taught me. Because of you 65 other hurting angel mommies have somewhere to turn on sad days.
Today is your first birthday. Yesterday I picked up your birthday cake. It's vanilla, with vanilla buttercream frosting. I'm not sure why I ordered it so plain... when there was so many flavors to choose from. Your sweet little cake has blue and green fondant polka dots around the edge, and a big blue elephant on top of the cake, beside a little circle that says 'ONE'. I really love it.
Oh, how I wish you could be here to see it, and have your first big taste of pure deliciousness.
I wish I could've been picking out the perfect presents this week for your first birthday,ones that you would play with all day long if you just could, and of course momma would have found you the most handsome outfit around for your first birthday pictures and the smash - cake session all babies need. <3
I so wish more than anything I could just scoop you up from your little teetery tottery - wobbly little legs that are carrying you around as fast as you can go and give you hugs and so many kisses.
More than that, more than anything else... I WISH you were HERE!
I know Heaven is perfect beyond my worldly imagination... it's just my heart and arms need you, long to have you with me.
That will never change. Ever.
I hope you had a Happy Heaven Day Yesterday my sweet baby love. <3
We're sending you balloons today - twenty to be exact - so be watching for them. I picked them out especially for you Jakey.
Happy First Birthday Baby Boy!
Sending you millions of hugs and kisses all day long... I can't wait to see you again!
Love you with all of my heart, and miss you beyond measure.