Learning how to tough out hard time and wait on the good

Life as a  grieving parent,spouse, child, friend is diffficult.  We, I, especially am the worst about wanting to go through every hypothetical situation that could've been so I wouldn't have lost my sweet Jacob. He'd still be in my arms now.

However, that's not what my sweet Jesus teaches me, as a christian mommy in the book of John, Chapter 11.

John, Chapter 11 teaches that even when you feel the Lord is late, he's on time.

Mary and Martha called upon the Lord when Lazarus,their brother, first became ill.   Jesus was in a town a couple of miles away and did not immediately go to them when they called him.  Instead, he finished his business in town,a nd went two days later.  Lazarus had passed away; Mary and Martha couldn't understand why they called upon Jesus and he didn't come right away. Jesus loved Lazarus.

I relate to them completely. In the hospital almost five years ago - I called and called upon the Lord to touch myself and Jacob, to work miracles and heal him and do things how I wished them to go.  That didn't happen.

Twenty one days of hospitalization, 21 days of fervent prayers.    I knew the Lord loved me and Jacob, I too was heartbroken just as Mary and Martha after the death of their brother.

I didn't understand how I had so much faith that the Lord would heal and he chose not to then.

Mary and Martha met Jesus outside of their home after Lazarus had been dead for four days.  They told him ... "Lord, if only you'd been  here sooner.. you could've saved him...."

The Lord saw how this saddened them.  He asked them to take him to his tomb, so they did.

He commanded Lazarus to come out of the tomb, and he did.

While Jesus did not heal Jacob, he did restore me in Christ.  I am living inside again and on this earth to tell his story, to tell how even though I felt jhje was late, he was right on time.

You see, after Jacob was born, I drew nearer to him.

I began reading his word again.  I began talking to him, not just daily but hourly, even quarterly sometimes.

2 Corinthians 9:12, became my most favorite bible verse.  I love it to this day
My Grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore, I will gladly boast 
all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest of me.  That is why, for Christ's sake I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions,in difficulties.  For, when I am weak, then I am Strong.

I am assured I will see Jacob again, and that death is not the end of our lives, even though we may not be in our earthly bodies any longer.

1 Corinthians 15:54
Death has been swallowed up in victory.

Both Mary and Martha cried when Jesus met them outside their home, sad that their brother died when their brother died when they were confident Jesus would heal them.

I can understand how they must've felt.  I remember very well the night the nurses and doctor had to tell me Jacob no longer had a heartbeat.  I remember that sinking,overwhelming feeling of disappointment as I too had known the Lord would heal Jacob.

The truth is, that was my plan all along, not Jesus'..
I didn't want to see the ways Jesus was working in my life for the better.

I didn't know i'd leave an emotionally abusive marriage.

I didn't know I'd be blessed with a precious rainbow baby a year and half later.

I didn't know how five years later, all of this hurt, all of this time spent repairing my relationship with him, would bring me to a new church homne, to a man rooted in Christ to which I will marry in April, who leads not only myself, but our family in Christ.

All of these blessings were waiting on me, just on the other side of the storm.

Faith in God - means faith in his timing.  . . even when the times are hard and seem impossible.

This verse comes to mind, for comfort and studying:  Romans 8:28
And, we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Romans 8:18
I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparison with the glory that will be revealed to us.

James  1:24
Consider it pure joy, my brothers whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.  Perseverance must finish it's work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.