The countdown is on, in eleven whole days my baby boy, my angel baby, will be one, and I am a complete and total mess. Everything is overwhelming me. I am trying to coordinate his birthday event, which will be small.. maybe just a small balloon release, and a cake. The thought of having his birthday cake without him kills me. I thought I had accepted the fact that my sweet baby boy is in Heaven, and I have. . . But the it's not fair thoughts keep coming back. It makes it hard to lay in bed at night... I want to talk, to tell someone. I tell my husband, and he listens, but he doesn't always understand. He and his ex-wife had experienced miscarriage together, but not stillbirth, he doesn't understand how I am still so upset over losing Jacob. He tends to compare my grief to that of his ex sister in law who also experienced infant loss... and tells me that he doesn't think she even cares... and how he is sure that she is not still upset. It is hard having to feel like I somehow need to defend my right to grieve ... and my right to grieve events that will never happen. I understand he is trying to help... sometimes just a hug would be nice... no explanation...Sorry for the long vent... I just needed to talk. :) Hope you all have a good week. I am going to try hard to finish planning Jake's birthday celebration and make up baskets for the hospital finally, after one year of wanting to do it.