Monday, June 25, 2012

Random Triggers

Have you ever been somewhere,and suddenly have a big reminder of your loss?

I know, I know - You never ever Forget!

But, sometimes they can be a little further in the back of your mind.

These are some of the triggers I find bother me the most:
  • Small infants, baby carriers in public and strollers ... I really melt every time I see a sweet tiny baby and always wish I was able to carry my sweet boy with me.
  • Baby aisles at stores - I was at Wal-Mart yesterday, and looking at something totally not baby related.. turned around and realized the baby food and such was right behind me... which got me thinking that if Jake had been born on time, and was 41/2 months old... he'd be about old enough to eat baby food... sadness... as we continued through the store... we decided we should get some baby wipes for the kids who seem to always need them for dirty hands and faces... I almost broke down in tears thinking that I should have some with me... that if Jake were here I would always have baby wipes with me...
  • Other people announcing their pregnancies 
  • Sometimes looking at other people's pictures of their babies makes me sad
  • As happy as I am to read other people's success stories of their preemies coming home from the hospital.... especially micro-preemies... a part of me aches all over again - wishing it was Jacob who was doing so well and coming home from the NICU.

What catches you off guard and makes you sad? Please share them with me.  What helps to relieve them?  

If you would rather not share them in my comments, please email me at Jessica.Stillloved@yahoo.com.

Have a Great Monday night and don't forget to stop by Tesha's Treasures tomorrow for the Bereaved Mommies blog hop... the Link is blue on the top right hand side of my page.

4 comments:

  1. Even though I had a really good day yesterday, I did have a very sad moment from facebook. My BIL and SIL are also expecting their first baby (same due date as mine would have been). It was a picture of them in their backyard holding a string at each end and in the middle of the string they had a little onesie clipped to it. I guess it was representing the bond of three instead of two. I just cried. I am so excited for them but it bothers me that we were supposed to have our babies around the same time and now we won't. I know we are not supposed to have envy for other people, but when I see pregnant mommies and sweet little babies, thats when the envy kicks in.

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    1. I'm so sorry Whitney. I know things like that are hard to see. I can't imagine your heartache knowing that, you too should still be able to take pictures like that. I am fighting the same battle with jealousy and envy. I find myself in prayer, often apologizing for wanting to change what God has planned for me. I will tell you that was has helped, as far as Facebook goes... I made a new friend group, and added all the newly pregnant friends of mine and mommies with small babies, that way I'm not constantly reminded that they have what I don't. One day I'll make their posts visible again, just for now it hurts too much. I'm still keeping you and your hubby in my prayers. <3

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  2. Sometimes seeing my best friend. She is 8 weeks behind me in her pregnancy and watching her belly grow sometimes really hurts. I am really happy for her but some days it just stings. Also, sweet baby boy clothes at stores. Baby girl clothes and toddler clothes don't bother me but baby boy clothes do. I try to remind myself that God is doing amazing things because of my son but sometimes it is still so hard. Thanks for being honest.

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  3. Kristy, your comment is totally relateable to me. Little girl things don't have bother me as much. I constantly try and remind myself often that god is still working in my life. Even when I do feel as if I'm going backwards or at a standstill. Thank you for sharing your feelings with me so openly.

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