Sunday, August 26, 2012

Christmas Time's a comin'

As of today folks Christmas is officially 120 days away. 

That's not long! 

Christmas is usually one of my most favorite times of year.  
I can celebrate the birth of my savior AND 
get to spend time with my family. 

I have the pleasure of seeing true joy and wonder in my son's eyes. : )
What more could I want?

This year, I am approaching Christmas season with hesitation and fear.

My second son, my baby boy who was supposed to be six months old at Christmas this year... won't be here.  He'll be having the best Christmas in Heaven.

This makes me hesitant and not sure I even want to have Christmas without him... although all of my favorite people will be there... my oldest son will still be happy... just my sweet angel won't and it makes me horribly sad.   I remember the joy I had in my heart in 2011.  I was 4 months pregnant with Jacob during Christmas.. as my husband and I hurriedly shopped for things for my son I remember saying , just think, this time next year, our little boy will be crawling all over the place... looking at the presents.. it hurts my heart to know now what the naive me didn't.  Our little boy won't be crawling looking at presents... he has the greatest gift of all... an eternal life in Heaven.

I have been looking for ways to remember Jacob at Christmas this year, starting with the ornament he'll have on the tree for his first Christmas.  I found it while looking online at the Hallmark website.  It's perfect for him.  It matches the onesie he wore while I was in the hospital perfectly.  I vowed to search every Hallmark store around until I could find it.  

I am happy to report that yesterday, on my first attempt, I found it and bought it.

I think I have decided it will hang on our family Christmas tree in our living room, and I will also make him a special ornament or two to hang on the boy's miniature Christmas tree that will be in Payton's room.

I found this idea on Pinterest, for a DIY Baby's first Christmas ornament... I think this is a lovely idea... and it is so very easy to do!  On the back side of the photo, it says Baby's first Christmas 2012

I know my sweet baby boy would be beautiful inside an ornament. <3
 As Christmas approaches, I can't help but begin to think about how I will decorate Jacob's headstone.  I have been thinking for a good while, that I want to buy a pretty wreath and hang it around his horse's neck.  We'll see if that looks funny or not..   I also want to have a flower saddle made that looks "Christmasy".

I know just like every other holiday.. the preparation is probably going to be worse than the actual day.. we will get through the best way we know how.


  1. This will be my third Christmas without Lily...I cant hardly believe it! My, time flies. Your right, it is a very hard time of year without our babies to celebrate with us. Those first year milestones are tough. I love the ideas you have - making the ornaments, decorating Jacob's "spot." All very thoughtful and sweet. :)

  2. Hannah I cannot imagine being without Jake for 3 years. If I could I would skip all of the firsts for the rest of the year... I have no desire to feel this horrible sadness for the rest of the firsts... Thank you for the sweet compliment. :)