Friday, May 25, 2012


One day in January while in the hospital on bed rest I was watching TV because there was not much else to do. My bed had one little speaker on my remote/nurse call light.  I often accidentally dropped it off the side of my bed, so I balanced it on top of my tummy and Jake.... I remember him being so mad. :) it was very cute, I videotaped him kicking the remote ( I'll try and add it soon), lol he was probably rolling his baby eyes, going "mommma,  must you put that on me?".  I love those videos now because its the only time I'll ever get to see him move.  I hoped and prayed the song that happened to be playing in the background wouldn't haunt me one day, but it does... Kenny Chesney's song Reality says
"Reality, yeah, sometimes life Ain't all that it's cracked up to be So let's take a chance and live this fantasy 'Cause everybody needs to break free from reality". 

Life for me after losing Jake hasn't been all its cracked up to be, my new reality stinks.  Sadly, there's no taking a break from this either... I'm stuck! 

Not all days are bad now. I don't cry everyday, but I do miss him, I do wish he was still here, I wish he would be coming any day now.... too bad all the wishes in the world can't bring him back to me. 

The reality I used to know and the reality of late are opposites... I pray though, that through this, I will become a stronger Christian and an even better mommy to Payton.  Life is precious and I only get one chance to live to the fullest.  I am trying my hardest to live for Payton and Jake, and be the best I can be. 


  1. I completely know what you mean my Prayer is that Jonathan 's life would make me a better everything! How cute about the remote I can't wait to see the video! Saying a prayer for you now!

    1. Thank you Tesha. :) I will try and find a way too add my video... my phone won't add it because its too big. :) maybe tomorrow I'll fish out my memory card and see what I can do. Have a good night!!