Two weeks from today is June 3rd. June 3rd is a normal day to almost everyone. For some June 3rd is a day they will go to church, come home, relax, grill, sleep... read a book....etc.
For me, June 3,2012 is a very special day, yet one I am not so much looking forward to. You see, on October 5,2011, my husband and I found out that we were expecting a sweet baby, and it would be due on June 3,2012. December 8,2011 we found out we were having a baby boy and were ecstatic... a little brother for Payton. The first grandson on my husband's side of the family. We were naming him on the way home from the doctor's office, and by the middle of the afternoon, he had a name. He would be forever Jacob Austin. <3
January 22,2012, the date June 3rd , transitioned into a goal, as this was the day I was hospitalized after my water broke prematurely at 21 weeks. If we could make our due date in June, Jake would be great! We very much wanted to reach June.
February 9,2012, my sweet Jacob Austin passed away. February 10,2012 my sweet son was born still.
Here June 3rd turned into a day of dread, a day where I would not be celebrating my son's birth, but his tiny little life, one he now gets to live in Heaven.
June 3rd is now a reminder of what I don't have, a cruel reminder that my sweet son is no longer with me.
As June 3rd gets closer and closer, being the planner type person that I am, I am trying to plan what we will do on that day. How my family and I will remember Jacob. I was thinking of doing a butterfly release in his honor... but that doesn't feel like enough. I have felt from the beginning that my sweet Jacob deserves the best, even if he is in Heaven. He was special. He is special, and always will be.
For each month we have survived without Jake, my eldest son Payton, my mother and father and I have released several balloons. Each has some sort of message on it that is special to me... something we want Jake to know. I've sent one that says "You're so special" and one that says "Thinking of you"... if only they made balloons that say "your whole family misses you and wishes you were here".... I'd buy 50 and send them to him. Just like the butterflies don't seem like enough for Jake, neither do the balloons... I'm not sure I will find anything that means enough to me to do for him. I'm sure we will send him balloons anyhow, maybe with personalized handwritten messages attached to each. Sometimes, I wish I could attach myself to the bottom of a balloon and send myself to Heaven to see my sweet baby one more time, and hug my baby boy and kiss his sweet face.
I know with my family and the Lord, I will get through this day that I dread so much.
Forever June 3rd will be a day in my mind when I think of all that could have been and the little boy my sweet baby could've become.
I miss you Jacob Austin!
I hope you know how much your mommy loves you, how much your big brother loves you and of course how much your mimi, papa , mawmaw, Aunt Jackie, Uncle Cody and cousin Adleigh love you. You are forever in our hearts and on our minds.