Expectations

 

       Everyone expects the best most of the time... no one thinks that any bad will ever come to them.  It is with a sad heart that I say I am one of those people who is used to watching other people's misfortune and praising the Lord it wasn't me. I could pray for that person or family and volunteer to do whatever they may have needed.  It wasn't until I began having a problematic abusive marriage and was hospitalized after my water broke early with Jake that I realized that sometimes expectations aren't met. 

       Great expectations seem like the devil to someone who is in pain.  Even while I was hospitalized I tried to keep my good expectations, that somehow my situation would turn around... that my sweet Jake would be ok, and I would have a happy healthy baby boy.  I expected the Lord to do as I wanted him to, even though I prayed for his will to be done.  I expected my husband to turn into a better man than he was and care for his son and wife.  I don't think my expectations were too much.  I don't think it was more than the Lord was willing to do.  I don't feel that I was unworthy of a sweet baby boy and husband who loved me.  I believe that even though the Lord knew I'd be in pain, he knew what he had planned for my life.  He knew that after the loss of my son I would draw even closer to him. 

        I am very much an optimist in all situations.  I will always look for the good in situations before I look for the bad.  I however will not say that after my expectations for the perfect life and family have not been met just yet... that it is not harder to find good in all situations.  It is very much harder to now not look at what used to be wonderful and wonder if something bad may happen.  I guess that this is in self-defense.. if you look for even the slightest possiblity of a problem... of something to go wrong, you will already have a plan in place for when and if it does go wrong. 

     I know the Lord has a plan in place for when things go wrong or don't meet my expectations.  I just have to keep my faith in the Lord and know that eventually all will be right, even when they feel so incredibly wrong.





Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Infant and Child headstone ideas

Image
Many times a week I see parents searching the internet for infant and child headstone ideas, as well as stillborn baby epitaphs, and epitaphs for infants.  I hope I can be of some help to all of these parents.  I have been in your shoes, "Googling" all of these exact terms, trying to find the perfect stone and wording for my son's very own headstone.  I know all of these decisions are hard and you wish anyone but you had to make them, but I promise you, you will get through it. << Big hugs to you>> Most of the ideas for headstones below are from the monument company here in Texas that I ordered my son's headstone from.  I'm sure other monument companies across the world could replicate these if you just ask. The first one I came across is Winnie the Pooh.  It is fairly common here in Texas and often used for older children.   Most babies and children are comforted by a teddy bear, why not give them an everlasting teddy with a headstone like
Read more

Ordering Jacob's headstone

Image
Hi. I'm so sorry you are here.  If you are looking for ideas on headstones for babies and children please visit the blog address below: http://stillloved.blogspot.com/2013/04/infant-and-child-headstone-ideas.html   Below, is my experience in ordering my stillborn son Jacob's headstone and choosing the perfect wording to go on it. <3 Big hugs to you!   The biggest day of my life since losing Jacob and the funeral was yesterday.  Yesterday, was the day I ordered my sweet baby boy's headstone.  I had originally planned on placing the order on Friday, but for unknown reasons, the owner of the company was out of town and would not return until Monday.   I have been debating for a good while on what I wanted his headstone to say.  I conducted numerous searches on the Internet for infant headstone quotes, epitaphs and so on... I never truly found one that I just loved.  Then, last week I found a website, that now, some people include lyrics of songs o
Read more

Flowers for his funeral

Image
      On the Tuesday before Valentine's Day, I was out attempting to order flowers.  Not for any happy occasion though.  I was searching for the perfect flowers for my Jake's funeral. I first went to the florist here in my hometown.  The ladies tried to be nice and helpful.  I was just not liking what they were showing me.  The flowers they had to display were droopy and lacking color appeal.  I wanted his arrangements to include blue Hydrangeas and white Roses.  The ladies at this florist dashed all of my wants, telling me that hydrangeas wouldn't last... they would wilt too fast and they weren't willing to budge on what I wanted.  They brought me ugly yellow daisies that I didn't want and were trying to add white carnations as well... neither of which I asked for..  I was in tears, thinking this would be all I had to choose from.  Finally, we made the decision to leave and see what other florists in the area could offer.         At the second florist, the owner
Read more