Controversy: baby photos online

Jacob was born still 6 months ago today.  About 5 months ago is when I posted the first picture of Jacob to my Facebook account, after it had been retouched some by Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep.  I was so very proud of my precious son.  The sweet baby boy whom I love so very much.  I wanted all of my closest friends and family to see him.  I just knew that everyone would adore him like I did.

I was wrong.

I began to notice that friends and former co-workers who were once my friend on Facebook were gone.  I didn't realize the reason at the time.

Not long later, I was visiting the District Clerk's office where I worked for four years,up until last Fall.  We had a really good visit I thought.  After I left, a lady whom I've gotten to know pretty well called me on my cell phone to let me know that two of the ladies who had once been friends on my Facebook were gossiping about me.. and one was telling the other " She put pictures of her dead baby on her Facebook, who would do that?".  I was crushed.  My feelings were hurt that people who I thought were my friends could be so ugly and insensitive to my pain.  I just lost my child.  That was MY Facebook page.  No one had the right to judge me.   I went to remove said people from my friends list to realize they had already removed me themselves.  I shrugged it off.  These people obviously weren't my friends, nor did they care about me, so I didn't have the time to care about them...

I began wondering how many other mommies had suffered this problem before.  I asked the support group I was a member of and many people said the same happened after they posted pictures of their precious baby.  Many mommies said not only had their friends reacted negatively to their photos, but some family members had as well.  I couldn't believe my eyes as I read the horrible things that these poor hurting mommies had endured.  

Yesterday, I got my own dose of negativity from a family member.  I was on the phone having a seemingly normal phone conversation with a relative when it happened.  We were talking of local news events, Payton and the weather... when all of the sudden, said family member blurted out, "I saw pictures of "the baby"(said member didn't even acknowledge he had a name) on Facebook the other day... your other relatives showed me."  "Why would you put pictures with the caption "Stillborn" on them on Facebook?".  I suddenly got defensive. (Mind you I purposely never had shown pictures of Jake to this person because I didn't think they could handle it). I told this person that I wasn't the only person to ever post pictures of my baby to Facebook and if they were to look at other Facebook pages of parents of stillborns or any infant who has passed away, most have pictures of their babies.  Even though they have passed away, we still love them, we are still proud of them.  Our hearts still smile when we see their sweet faces and little footsies or whatever picture we have of them.  Parents of stillborn babies, or any other baby in Heaven shouldn't have to hide our grief and hurt, just because others are afraid of it, or don't think they can handle it.  

In my very honest opinion, we as individuals should be allowed to post whatever we want to on our own personal Facebook pages without judgment from others when it is regarding our babies.  I would dare to say that most people have never experienced a loss so great as losing a child and it is very easy to say "well, I would never post those... I wouldn't say that... I wouldn't" .. The truth is these other people do not know how they would behave or what they would do because thankfully they have never stood in our shoes and won't ever have to.

Yesterday I asked other mommies of stillborns:

 Have you lost friends or been the victim of ugly remarks because you posted a picture of your baby to your Facebook or blog? Did family members have problems viewing them?  

These are some of their responses( i've edited out names for privacy):

• I've had several people delete me as friend's on FB. I'm not sure if it's due to all the photos, the sadness, or depressing things I post. (As some have told me that). I don't care. I post pictures of my darling son. I'm a proud Mama. I have yet to hear anything truly negative or bad, but if I do, I will delete them.

• I posted pictures of my son and had family members question me for doing so saying I should be sensitive to other peoples feelings. The way I look at it is people aren't sensitive to my feelings when they post pictures of their living children and why should they? It's their child, they're proud of them. Just because my son is in heaven doesn't make me any less proud of him. He's my beautiful baby and I'm so proud to show him off. It took me a while to accept that some people may freak out about it but I'm at a point now where I am tired of caring what they think. 

• I've avoided posting photos other than the one of his feet because I'm so afraid of what someone will think of him. I'm so protective of his photos. Maybe one day I'll be brave enough to share them. 

 I hate that any of these mothers have to experience these problems.  I hate that the stress of other's opinions is added to the heavy weight of the pain of losing their children.  However, maybe to be fair to our non-baby loss friends and family.. at least maybe we should consider posting photos in black and white or after they have been retouched some, if your sweet baby had extreme discoloration around their face.

I love each of my baby loss mommy friends and want you all to be happy and proud of your babies.  I am so happy you stand up for the new generation that isn't afraid to share about your loss.. and won't keep it in, just because others are uncomfortable.

Happy 6 month birthday Jacob! <3
Mommy Loves you!